The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
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I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
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I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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