she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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