i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
love makes seman taste better
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
