People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
