Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
