So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I want a musical about memes.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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