The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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