he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
