No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
