I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
