filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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