Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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