i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
