That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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