Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
