If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
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