The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
