there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I am naked and annoyed.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
