All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
