Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
