is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
