my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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