When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
