Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
