We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
