the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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