Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
