im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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