I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
