dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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