OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
