My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I am spending my child support on dildos
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
How's work?
Spinning.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
