so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
