Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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