when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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