god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
