Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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