Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
