i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
