He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Randomize
