Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
