She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
