Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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