is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
