Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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