I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
