One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
