One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
