No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
