There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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