He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
