If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
