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I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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