maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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