I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
