Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Why can't burritos get me drunk
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
