she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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