I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
where are you?
Hypothermia
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
