The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
