I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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