so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
