Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
