i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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