Already got asked if we're dating
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
