My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
