I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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