my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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