I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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