did you get engaged???
I'm lost and stupid without you.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
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She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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